i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
