All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
