Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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