Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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