I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
