you mean i was at the winter classic?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
