Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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