He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize