I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
