break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
