I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
