got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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