dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
