My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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