she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
