You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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