i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
