blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize