Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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