I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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