Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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