so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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