If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its liver damage thursday
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
