dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
