I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
3 2 1 whiskey
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
