Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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