Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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