ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
