So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
