From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
