the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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