your parents love me but you hate me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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