Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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(301): View more from Maryland

you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

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(410): View more from Maryland

my shit smells like andre

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(404): View more from Georgia

What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.

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(301): View more from Maryland

he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd

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(224): View more from Illinois

This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.

(309): View more from Illinois

Too low?

(224): View more from Illinois

Yes.

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(510): View more from California

Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.

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(914): View more from New York

It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.

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