I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
