We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
