And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
