It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
