the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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