You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
