Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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