OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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