I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
