Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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