thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
