I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
