The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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