you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
