I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
