So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
well you can't waste a boner
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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