Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just gift wrapped bread.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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