She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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