This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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