i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
