oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize