At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
