Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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