my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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