I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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