I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
