My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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