either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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