Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
