Your dad touched me again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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