ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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