We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
