Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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