I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
