I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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